Doubt, Faith, Trust & Fear

My running partners tend to be those I have never actually met.  There is a guy on Instagram called Mathew Bolet (?sp) who is a great mentor and inspiration and another guy who shares his own running blog on wordpress named, Ryan, I believe who lives in Memphis, TN.  I relate to those I see at the park.  The constant walkers who show me where I’ve been and those who run like the wind and show me where I want to be someday soon.

I tag my runs via Instagram use that app to check into the park where I run.  I add hastags on my running post to help connect with other runners.  #nikeplus is a good tag and #marathon or #marathontraining helps to connect with a specific audience but, lately I’ve been adding tags I feel are of greater significance.  #faith, #hope, #love and even #life

The path is my classroom and the effort necessary for running is my teacher.  Some routes may be the same but, the lessons are always evolving.  Failure has been one of my current ponderings but, lately my pensive ponderings have brought me back around to doubt.  Little by little thoughts form like bricks waiting to be constructed into something useful and maybe someday something even glorious and grand.  The aesthetic architecture sometimes takes me a while to achieve.

With doubt – it may be well known that doubt may give pause to trust and doubt may also give fear a basis for growth but, is it necessary to abolish doubt?  I don’t think so.
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The one picture above may give the impression that doubt and fear are along different paths than faith, hope & love but, i’m thinking maybe they are just different sides of the same road.
Doubt can give greater meaning and life to faith.  Doubt may give texture to hope.  I seem to sense a muddled truth in all this although my expression may be lacking.  But, I do think the two are more interconnected and doubt & fear are not necessarily bad things per se.

I like the following quote by MLK
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This may be something I ponder with today’s scheduled 30 minute run.  I’m not at the level yet where I can know the entire outcome of my runs.  I had a 76 minute non-stop run last week but a sub 12 minute run this past Monday.  I have hope and faith I’ll eventually get to where I want to be but ….I suppose doubt is the friend that’s helping to keep things exciting and palatable.

MLK’s quote reminds me of something I saw Jack Canfield say in a movie called The Secret.  He mentioned that we can drive, in the dark from New York to Los Angeles with headlights that can only light up a couple hundred feet in front of us.  Again, we don’t need see the whole road ahead, just enough for us to take us that next precious step.

In a way, I think being able to reel in our visions and sometimes only focusing on those next few steps can help us gain control over the fear we might feel by trying to look at a big picture which, we really don’t know anything about.  I don’t know much for certain but, I want to believe things will work out.

I want more life and more energy and running seems to be a very good conduit for interfacing with that energy.

Well, anybody reading this  – wish me luck 🙂  I’ve got 30 minutes running scheduled for today, another 25 minutes tomorrow and then 40 minutes this coming Saturday.  I will try to keep in mind LSD – Long, Slow, Distance.  This is what my running coach kept saying when I took a running class at SIUE.  anytime i had to stop he would simply say I’m going too fast and tell me to slow down.  That was how i started 20 years ago and how i started my training for my very first marathon.  And, I know I was cranking out tenths of a mile in under 60 seconds and was able to keep that up for several miles.

I want that again.  I have hopes & beliefs and time will ultimately grade these efforts.  Improvements have been made over the past three months and I must allow myself the opportunity to see if June is capable of another set of improvements.  No guarantee and the specter of failure is one with a very sharp and unforgiving edge to it.  Perhaps this is when bravery and courage enter into the picture.

We are brave when we do what we must in spite of our fear.

We believe when we trust in spite of our doubts.

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